I love to write journal. i really do.
But at the same time, i'm lazy. Very lazy.
I feel as if everytime i take out my journal, i'll have writer's block.
I have no idea wat to write, or maybe i just have nothing to write, or maybe i'm just plain lazy in writing.
n brilliantly good in finding an explaination for tis.
I love ranting too, i could just rant on for hours n hours on irrevelent stuff (like now), but i spare ppl the misery of listening (or reading) it, unless they read tis post willingly.
I love complaining too, one of my hobbies (kidding), but i dun do it often. It's annoying, i noe.
Tat's why, i do selective complaining.
Not in choosing wat to complain, but whom to complain to.
I oni choose ppl whom i'm comfy wit their presence, so consider it a good thing if i always complain to u. Tat means i'm so comfy wit ur presence tat i wun paiseh paiseh wit u, or try hard to maintain tat image or smile when tat's the last thing i wanna do on planet earth.
Tat's the prob wit the world, everytime u meet new ppl, u'll try to make a good impression.
So, ppl conceal watever it is they feel inside n project a total oppposite of wat they're feeling.
If u dun show tat pleasant side of u, ppl tink u memang emo or u're a born hermit or sth.
Weird.
Anyway, bak to ranting n complaining bout ranting n complaining.
Where was i?
Oh ya, selective complaining.
How come God doesn't complain n yet He make us ppl who complain alot?
He likes to listen?
Maybe..maybe..
n yup, i like to grumble n complain to him a lot.
Tat means i'm really comfy wit His presence. A good thing.
But there's not much to grumble n complain bout also.
Tat's another good thing. =)
Talking to Him, i never need to conceal wat i feel or wat i am.
He already knows.
n i dun need advise or responds, all i wan is someone whom i can pour out everything to, all i need is for someone to listen, which is perfect.
I noe, there wouldn't be any light shining down on me n *poof*, i'm fine all of a sudden, no more problems, everything tat bothers me disappears.
No, if He hav something to say to me, he has His timing, His perfect timing.
So, i'll wait on Him, n serve while i wait.
Goodness, i can't even put words into proper paragraph, tat shows how tired i am rite now.
Nonetheless, i had an awesome Friday nite in church. Praise God.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Couldn't stop smilling as i walk bak frm the study area to my hostel at 1.45am. I was really tired, but nonetheless, happy. Full of joy.
I dun noe why, I can't really explain, maybe it's becoz of all the things tat had happened rite after midnite. Coz before tat, i was the moody me. Struggling hard to pry open my eyes to study chemistry. It wasn't easy at all. When i'm not taking naps in the study area, i would be awake doin chemistry n feeling grumpy.
Anyway, things tat happened wasn't good things, in fact it was the total opposite. But through tis, i learn to see God working in my life, how He help me through even when things seemed to be in a state of despair.
Actually, wat happened was, during midnite, i went to the cafe n celebrated a birthday wit my classmate. After the celebration, i was gonna head bak to the study area to cont my studies, but part of my slippers snapped n i was left wit oni one usable slipper (Sigh..of all time..now..).
Anyway, the journey frm cafe to the study area seemed to stretch to a mile long when u hav oni one slipper to walk wit (Sigh louder..). Yet, i still manage to get myself bak to the study area, wondering wat would i wear on my foot for the rest of the term. I can't be wearing shoes all the time..
To cut long story short, wit the help of one of my friends, Derric, i manage to repair my slippers n hopefully it will last till the end of the term when i can go bak Klang n get a new pair. Thank you soo much Derric! (should be correct gua, the spelling) n i really really thank God for putting these ppl in my life to help me. Thank you Daddy!! =)
I dun noe why, I can't really explain, maybe it's becoz of all the things tat had happened rite after midnite. Coz before tat, i was the moody me. Struggling hard to pry open my eyes to study chemistry. It wasn't easy at all. When i'm not taking naps in the study area, i would be awake doin chemistry n feeling grumpy.
Anyway, things tat happened wasn't good things, in fact it was the total opposite. But through tis, i learn to see God working in my life, how He help me through even when things seemed to be in a state of despair.
Actually, wat happened was, during midnite, i went to the cafe n celebrated a birthday wit my classmate. After the celebration, i was gonna head bak to the study area to cont my studies, but part of my slippers snapped n i was left wit oni one usable slipper (Sigh..of all time..now..).
Anyway, the journey frm cafe to the study area seemed to stretch to a mile long when u hav oni one slipper to walk wit (Sigh louder..). Yet, i still manage to get myself bak to the study area, wondering wat would i wear on my foot for the rest of the term. I can't be wearing shoes all the time..
To cut long story short, wit the help of one of my friends, Derric, i manage to repair my slippers n hopefully it will last till the end of the term when i can go bak Klang n get a new pair. Thank you soo much Derric! (should be correct gua, the spelling) n i really really thank God for putting these ppl in my life to help me. Thank you Daddy!! =)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Fasting..
-Every Monday.
-For the coming christmas gig.
-8am-7pm.
-Oni on food, but still consuming PLAIN water.
*Dear God, pls sustain me throughout the day n help me not to faint out of hunger.*
I dun really hav a prayer journal, but i might as well write all my requests in tis blog.
Pls take care of my parents as they go India for a 1 week trip.
Pls provide my younger brother wit self-control as he execute his evil plans of ripping the hse apart when my parents r gone. (haha..)
Pls look after my older brother as he study hard in Nottingham, semenyih.
Pls heal all of my friends who r sick n feeling unwell. Take away their discomfort n grant them speedy recovery.(n for those who r healthy, let them stay healthy)
Pls help me n my friends in our studies as we start cramming for exams n assessments which is just around the corner.
Pls take care of everyone i love.I noe U love them more.
There's so much more tat i've wanted to request, but i can't tink of it at the moment.
Numbed brain.
I shall update further when i remember. =)
-Every Monday.
-For the coming christmas gig.
-8am-7pm.
-Oni on food, but still consuming PLAIN water.
*Dear God, pls sustain me throughout the day n help me not to faint out of hunger.*
I dun really hav a prayer journal, but i might as well write all my requests in tis blog.
Pls take care of my parents as they go India for a 1 week trip.
Pls provide my younger brother wit self-control as he execute his evil plans of ripping the hse apart when my parents r gone. (haha..)
Pls look after my older brother as he study hard in Nottingham, semenyih.
Pls heal all of my friends who r sick n feeling unwell. Take away their discomfort n grant them speedy recovery.(n for those who r healthy, let them stay healthy)
Pls help me n my friends in our studies as we start cramming for exams n assessments which is just around the corner.
Pls take care of everyone i love.I noe U love them more.
There's so much more tat i've wanted to request, but i can't tink of it at the moment.
Numbed brain.
I shall update further when i remember. =)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
*Sigh...*
My activities of the day in brief (yup, in underwears) :
rise n shine
bathe
study, study, study
lunch
study, study, study
dinner
bathe
Girls talk wit a friend (relationship issue again la, wat else)
study, study, study
Wat a miserable day. STUDY!!!
After dinner i couldn't even concentrate anymore.
The sight of books n notes numbs me, my brain.
So, i sat in the study area, for an hour n a half lookin at the same page.
Maybe i was daydreaming, i dun noe.
But, i noe tat a thousand thoughts was running through my mind in tat short span of 90 mins.
I was distracted.
By wat? Or rather who?
My lips are sealed.
Just in case u're reading tis Mark, it's not tat good looking christian guy in my uni.
Coz there's none. Tat u should noe of, yet.
Bak to my story.
After 90mins of staring into space, or rather boring holes into my physic notes n gained nothing. I decided to head bak to hostel. Feeling rather emo..
So, b4 i go bak, i went to the cafe to get ice-cream.
Got my ice-cream n went to the counter, nobody was there, as usual.
The cashier was brewing teh for customers. (seriously, they should employ more workers)
I wasn't in the mood to wait like i usually do.
Besides, i'm tired of eating melted ice-cream.
So, i unwrapped the ice-cream n started eating rite in front of the counter.
The cashier practically flew over.
So i paid n left.
On the way bak to my hostel, i walk pass a couple.
Dun noe them.
Overheard their conversation.
Shallow people they are.
Then i met a 2nd pair.
*sigh..* my classmate.
She look over n smile at me, so i smiled bak.
So fake.
Then i continue walking.
Reach my block.
Climb up a whole 4 flight of stairs.
Reach my unit n went in.
"U cry ah, Sin Yee?" was the 1st question i heard.
Of course i wasn't crying.
Even if i was, i wun show.
So i went online n wrote tis blog.
Love to blog during emo days.
Tat's why i have so many emo post.
Sry i dun noe how to include U in my life today God, i will try 2mrw.
I promise.
*Sigh..*
My activities of the day in brief (yup, in underwears) :
rise n shine
bathe
study, study, study
lunch
study, study, study
dinner
bathe
Girls talk wit a friend (relationship issue again la, wat else)
study, study, study
Wat a miserable day. STUDY!!!
After dinner i couldn't even concentrate anymore.
The sight of books n notes numbs me, my brain.
So, i sat in the study area, for an hour n a half lookin at the same page.
Maybe i was daydreaming, i dun noe.
But, i noe tat a thousand thoughts was running through my mind in tat short span of 90 mins.
I was distracted.
By wat? Or rather who?
My lips are sealed.
Just in case u're reading tis Mark, it's not tat good looking christian guy in my uni.
Coz there's none. Tat u should noe of, yet.
Bak to my story.
After 90mins of staring into space, or rather boring holes into my physic notes n gained nothing. I decided to head bak to hostel. Feeling rather emo..
So, b4 i go bak, i went to the cafe to get ice-cream.
Got my ice-cream n went to the counter, nobody was there, as usual.
The cashier was brewing teh for customers. (seriously, they should employ more workers)
I wasn't in the mood to wait like i usually do.
Besides, i'm tired of eating melted ice-cream.
So, i unwrapped the ice-cream n started eating rite in front of the counter.
The cashier practically flew over.
So i paid n left.
On the way bak to my hostel, i walk pass a couple.
Dun noe them.
Overheard their conversation.
Shallow people they are.
Then i met a 2nd pair.
*sigh..* my classmate.
She look over n smile at me, so i smiled bak.
So fake.
Then i continue walking.
Reach my block.
Climb up a whole 4 flight of stairs.
Reach my unit n went in.
"U cry ah, Sin Yee?" was the 1st question i heard.
Of course i wasn't crying.
Even if i was, i wun show.
So i went online n wrote tis blog.
Love to blog during emo days.
Tat's why i have so many emo post.
Sry i dun noe how to include U in my life today God, i will try 2mrw.
I promise.
*Sigh..*
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Jesus Is The Reason We Celebrate The Season
Christmas is coming up!
Can't wait to for the christmas celebration here(Aimst) as well as in Klang! Jesus is truly the reason for the season! Tat is our christmas theme for Port Klang Gospel Hall(PKGH) christmas celebration tis year!! Unc Sam wans all youth to be involve in it, but guess i'm not really part of the youth, not anymore anyway... (emo-ing..) They did say somethin bout excommunicating me for missin tis year church camp in Cameron. Ish!! betrayal!! Haha.. but I don't tink i can do anything though, me being here in Aimst,Kedah. However, i could take part in the Christmas gig organized by Aimst cf, given i'm not too busy preparing for my term 2.
Hmm... THANK GOD dat everything didn't really clash, all the activities. (I'm already starting to plan my christmas hol,haha..) Thank God dat i won't be missing the...
1. christmas gig in Aimst -16 Dec
2. yearly celebration wit OA -2o Dec (Yay!! I miss the waterfall!!)
3. christmas celebration in my church -25 Dec
4. unofficial trip for yf to go Bukit Cahaya for cycling- dates yet to be decided. (i heard the gears r rotten,still the fellowship is wat matters ^_^)
Christmas is truly a time to remind ourself of the reason we're alive n well rite now. So many a times we forget about tis n christmas became another unmeaningful celebration jz like any other, we became so ignorant of the truth dat we did not see the significant of tis. Wat truth? Santa? Of course not!! It's the truth tat Jesus who was CRUCIFIED on the cross to save us was born on tis day. It's THE day God send HIS SON down to earth to save us, His precious sons n daughters.
To so many ppl out there, christians or non, christmas is jz another festive season where we get hols, enjoy ourself, take a break, hav fun n etc.. Tat's pretty sad. I mean we can hv fun of cos, there's nothin wrong bout tat at all, i'd take tis oppurtunity to hav fun too, but we're missing the reason for the season. Wat significant is there celebrating a festival n yet dun noe wat u're celebrating about. I won't deny dat i was once like tat, christmas is about chrismas trees, gifts, food, hol, fun n friends. But as the years passes me by, i learned. Learned bout how sinful i am n how holy n gracious He is. Learned how he stooped so low to be a servant in tis serve-me world. How can a king come to tis world to serve us? I dun c many kings around who is willing to serve others, n yet, He came.
Thank You, Father.
Ps: I'm skipping physics lecture rite now btw, coz i loss my textbook,spend the 1st hour of physic lecture looking for it in every inch of the school compound, n now, dun feel like going since i'm already 1 hour late. However, just got a msg from my friend tat she mistook it n brought it bak. Thank God it's found. =)
Can't wait to for the christmas celebration here(Aimst) as well as in Klang! Jesus is truly the reason for the season! Tat is our christmas theme for Port Klang Gospel Hall(PKGH) christmas celebration tis year!! Unc Sam wans all youth to be involve in it, but guess i'm not really part of the youth, not anymore anyway... (emo-ing..) They did say somethin bout excommunicating me for missin tis year church camp in Cameron. Ish!! betrayal!! Haha.. but I don't tink i can do anything though, me being here in Aimst,Kedah. However, i could take part in the Christmas gig organized by Aimst cf, given i'm not too busy preparing for my term 2.
Hmm... THANK GOD dat everything didn't really clash, all the activities. (I'm already starting to plan my christmas hol,haha..) Thank God dat i won't be missing the...
1. christmas gig in Aimst -16 Dec
2. yearly celebration wit OA -2o Dec (Yay!! I miss the waterfall!!)
3. christmas celebration in my church -25 Dec
4. unofficial trip for yf to go Bukit Cahaya for cycling- dates yet to be decided. (i heard the gears r rotten,still the fellowship is wat matters ^_^)
Christmas is truly a time to remind ourself of the reason we're alive n well rite now. So many a times we forget about tis n christmas became another unmeaningful celebration jz like any other, we became so ignorant of the truth dat we did not see the significant of tis. Wat truth? Santa? Of course not!! It's the truth tat Jesus who was CRUCIFIED on the cross to save us was born on tis day. It's THE day God send HIS SON down to earth to save us, His precious sons n daughters.
To so many ppl out there, christians or non, christmas is jz another festive season where we get hols, enjoy ourself, take a break, hav fun n etc.. Tat's pretty sad. I mean we can hv fun of cos, there's nothin wrong bout tat at all, i'd take tis oppurtunity to hav fun too, but we're missing the reason for the season. Wat significant is there celebrating a festival n yet dun noe wat u're celebrating about. I won't deny dat i was once like tat, christmas is about chrismas trees, gifts, food, hol, fun n friends. But as the years passes me by, i learned. Learned bout how sinful i am n how holy n gracious He is. Learned how he stooped so low to be a servant in tis serve-me world. How can a king come to tis world to serve us? I dun c many kings around who is willing to serve others, n yet, He came.
Thank You, Father.
Ps: I'm skipping physics lecture rite now btw, coz i loss my textbook,spend the 1st hour of physic lecture looking for it in every inch of the school compound, n now, dun feel like going since i'm already 1 hour late. However, just got a msg from my friend tat she mistook it n brought it bak. Thank God it's found. =)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
It got me thinking real hard
Thought provoking question by Anna yesterday when we were waiting for Thomson to come to the car in Nasmir..It got me thinking real hard.Below is the conversation we had,as far as i can remember..
"Sin Yee,dun u hv any probs in ur life?"
"sure got ah.." was my answer,i mean after all,who doesn't? "well..i juz finish my quiz,so waiting for result is a prob."
"Everybody faces tat la,we're all student ma,i mean probs as in some other probs besides studies." says Anna
"oh.."then i started thinking..
Actually i kinda noe wat was she refering to, she was talking bout her relationships prob, coz i tink she's feeling bothered by her feelings...her feelings for a guy..ahem..i shan't say anythin more,haha..
But anyway,wat was i gonna say again?
Oh ya..bout the question.
Of coz i got probs in my life!! Tons of them. They may not impact my life in a big way but they're still there~!! But i dun really hv girl guy relationship probs though, something i'm really really thankful about. Those can ruin ur life, as far as i noe.haha.
Am i abnormal? Or i juz dun find joy in hving crushes anymore.I'm weird,hands down.
I remember me n my friends used to check out n hv crushes on guys when we 1st started sec school (very few oni,since not many guys r worth it,haha). n along the years, the list grows longer very gradually, n finally,when i reach uni, the list just stop. Just like tat.Stopped.
Maybe bcoz it's no more fun anymore, most of my friends, roommates, r hving bf. They would not spend time discussing bout crushes. They'll oni bore me to death wit stories of their bf..on how adorable, thoughtful, sweet..etc etc..they r. Ayo-o-o-oh..!
But on the other hand, i've been too busy coping up wit my new life n studying tat i dun hv time to check out guys. haha. sad wei.. anyway, i'm happy just the way i am rite now,though i'l admit tat somtimes i do envy my friends,haha.But still, no guys prob, oni my daddy n my bros in my life, n a burning passion to serve God! Bliss.
Cheers.
"Sin Yee,dun u hv any probs in ur life?"
"sure got ah.." was my answer,i mean after all,who doesn't? "well..i juz finish my quiz,so waiting for result is a prob."
"Everybody faces tat la,we're all student ma,i mean probs as in some other probs besides studies." says Anna
"oh.."then i started thinking..
Actually i kinda noe wat was she refering to, she was talking bout her relationships prob, coz i tink she's feeling bothered by her feelings...her feelings for a guy..ahem..i shan't say anythin more,haha..
But anyway,wat was i gonna say again?
Oh ya..bout the question.
Of coz i got probs in my life!! Tons of them. They may not impact my life in a big way but they're still there~!! But i dun really hv girl guy relationship probs though, something i'm really really thankful about. Those can ruin ur life, as far as i noe.haha.
Am i abnormal? Or i juz dun find joy in hving crushes anymore.I'm weird,hands down.
I remember me n my friends used to check out n hv crushes on guys when we 1st started sec school (very few oni,since not many guys r worth it,haha). n along the years, the list grows longer very gradually, n finally,when i reach uni, the list just stop. Just like tat.Stopped.
Maybe bcoz it's no more fun anymore, most of my friends, roommates, r hving bf. They would not spend time discussing bout crushes. They'll oni bore me to death wit stories of their bf..on how adorable, thoughtful, sweet..etc etc..they r. Ayo-o-o-oh..!
But on the other hand, i've been too busy coping up wit my new life n studying tat i dun hv time to check out guys. haha. sad wei.. anyway, i'm happy just the way i am rite now,though i'l admit tat somtimes i do envy my friends,haha.But still, no guys prob, oni my daddy n my bros in my life, n a burning passion to serve God! Bliss.
Cheers.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Memorable 18th birthday!
12 Oct!! My birthday!!
Thought i was gonna hv a quiet birthday tis year.. It's the 1st time over the past 17 years of my life tat i didn't celebrate wit my family,didn't go out n hv a great dinner together n didn't buy a cake for celebration, i feel like i kinda broke the tradition.. NO amount of crying-under-blanket is gonna cure tis nostalgic feeling of mine.. haha, i didn't cry of course, jz feeling a huge pang of sadness somewhere in my heart.
But i didn't hv a quiet b'day though, my friends actually threw my a surprise b'day party.. It's kinda funny actually,haha.. Tis is how it happens....
**As i came bak frm a pleasant dinner wit my niece to Juru, one of my hsemates told me she wanted to get ice-cream frm cafe as she was feeling down. She wans me to teman her, (n i happily thought she's adapting to my way of curing down-ness,haha) so i agreed to follow her..
It was almost midnite, the perfect time for ice-cream ( according to Sin Yee,hehe ), so me n a few more hsemates went down wit her to get ice-cream.
Rite b4 we reach the cafe, she received a cal, then wrapped her arms around me n told me she wanted to tell me sth, her problem tat made her so sad. I was,of course, more tat happy to listen to her.. So,the other hsemates went in the cafe 1st, to get their 'ice-cream', n she took me on a tour, walking n talking..Saying tat she called the guy she had liked for many years n planned to confess her feelings for him n in the end she didn't do it..sth like tat la..
Anyway,after tat she receive another phone cal n after tat, turned to me "Lets go get ice-cream!". So she steered me bak to the cafe..
I was kinda speechless when my friends started singing b'day song as i entered the cafe. I never thought they would do tis 4 me!! n my hsemates tat has disappeared all days were also there. After the singing (Mark even brought a guitar along!), it all goes on like how a b'day party should be, the making of wishes, cutting of cakes, smearing of cream n taking of pictures!! Hehe.. All in all, it was enjoyable. (oh,n the stories my hsemates came up wit? It was jz to distract me coz the ppl in the cafe couldn't find the lighter! Oh man.. haha.. ) **
The rest of the day was great!! I had so much fun,ice-cream n chocolate tat i tink i need to go on diet,soon.Haha..Princess for a day. No,i'm always a princess in my daddy's eyes.. =>
Really really thank God for all my friends here in Aimst n everything He has done for me. I tink i'm beginning to like tis initially uncomfortable zone tat God has placed me in. I pray tat i'll be able to draw closer to Him as the days passes by n get to know n love Him more n more, each day more than the last, i also pray tat He'll mould me into the person He wans me to be n help me as i start embracing adulthood n take responsibilities for my action.Now i'm legal,haha. (Tat's wat my friends keep telling me, perhaps i was illegal b4 tis?)
I AM THANKFUL. =)
Ps: I'm 18!! 18!!
Thought i was gonna hv a quiet birthday tis year.. It's the 1st time over the past 17 years of my life tat i didn't celebrate wit my family,didn't go out n hv a great dinner together n didn't buy a cake for celebration, i feel like i kinda broke the tradition.. NO amount of crying-under-blanket is gonna cure tis nostalgic feeling of mine.. haha, i didn't cry of course, jz feeling a huge pang of sadness somewhere in my heart.
But i didn't hv a quiet b'day though, my friends actually threw my a surprise b'day party.. It's kinda funny actually,haha.. Tis is how it happens....
**As i came bak frm a pleasant dinner wit my niece to Juru, one of my hsemates told me she wanted to get ice-cream frm cafe as she was feeling down. She wans me to teman her, (n i happily thought she's adapting to my way of curing down-ness,haha) so i agreed to follow her..
It was almost midnite, the perfect time for ice-cream ( according to Sin Yee,hehe ), so me n a few more hsemates went down wit her to get ice-cream.
Rite b4 we reach the cafe, she received a cal, then wrapped her arms around me n told me she wanted to tell me sth, her problem tat made her so sad. I was,of course, more tat happy to listen to her.. So,the other hsemates went in the cafe 1st, to get their 'ice-cream', n she took me on a tour, walking n talking..Saying tat she called the guy she had liked for many years n planned to confess her feelings for him n in the end she didn't do it..sth like tat la..
Anyway,after tat she receive another phone cal n after tat, turned to me "Lets go get ice-cream!". So she steered me bak to the cafe..
I was kinda speechless when my friends started singing b'day song as i entered the cafe. I never thought they would do tis 4 me!! n my hsemates tat has disappeared all days were also there. After the singing (Mark even brought a guitar along!), it all goes on like how a b'day party should be, the making of wishes, cutting of cakes, smearing of cream n taking of pictures!! Hehe.. All in all, it was enjoyable. (oh,n the stories my hsemates came up wit? It was jz to distract me coz the ppl in the cafe couldn't find the lighter! Oh man.. haha.. ) **
The rest of the day was great!! I had so much fun,ice-cream n chocolate tat i tink i need to go on diet,soon.Haha..Princess for a day. No,i'm always a princess in my daddy's eyes.. =>
Really really thank God for all my friends here in Aimst n everything He has done for me. I tink i'm beginning to like tis initially uncomfortable zone tat God has placed me in. I pray tat i'll be able to draw closer to Him as the days passes by n get to know n love Him more n more, each day more than the last, i also pray tat He'll mould me into the person He wans me to be n help me as i start embracing adulthood n take responsibilities for my action.Now i'm legal,haha. (Tat's wat my friends keep telling me, perhaps i was illegal b4 tis?)
I AM THANKFUL. =)
Ps: I'm 18!! 18!!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Oh God,help!!
Dear heavenly daddy,u noe wat i'm going through,pls help me,help me keep to my term 2 resolutions n cure me of msn-overdose.In Jesus name.Amen.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Why is tis happening?
Since i came to Aimst,there's been so many times where i've been so discouraged n frustrated wit myself..n i dun noe y..I've reach the lowest point of my spiritual life n i started get angry at God so easily n so often,which i dun normally do,i've been very contented n satisfied wit my life all the while,giving thanks to God durin my ups n even downs.But i dun noe y is it so different here.Is it bcoz i wasn't close to home?to my christian friends tat i'm familiar wit bak in Klang? Or is it bcoz i hv grown distant to Him due to my inconsistency in spending time wit Him?
I hate to admit it,but i really spend so much lesser time wit Him since i came here,i'm surrounded by friends/roommates all the time n when i'm not socializing wit them,i'll be studying,goin for sports,on the net n etc.
I wanna read my bible more,communicate wit Him more,but somehow most of the time i'd spend tat reserved-for-God 30mins to talk to my friends(or in bed -sleeping),it's just very difficult to resist tis coz they're ALWAYS around..All the time..There's no escape.
I've tried to go through a silent day(in which i wun talk unless really neccessary)so tat i could quieten myself for Him n Him alone,but somehow my friends will take it tat i'm being emo n tried to talk as much as possible to me,by evening,i would already start talking like i've er... recovered frm my emo-ness..
I do make it a point to go to prayer meeting n cf as frequently as i can,but most of the time,i feel like i talked to my christian friends more than i talked to God,i fellowship wit ppl around more than i fellowship wit God.It's like goin there to socialize or something n prayer n worship was oni part of the agenda.I dun like tis.God is supposed to be the center of it all,all the time,but i feel tat He is oni in the center at the moment of praise n worship or prayer.After prayer,ppl would put God at the back of their head n go into socializing mood,talkin,laughing n asking bout the most ridiculous stuff.Not to say tat tis happen all the time or blaming anyone for tis to be happening,but seriously,wat is our focus here?There r ppl who oni goes when there's friends goin,friends who told me tat if i go,then they'll go.Yes,the cf n prayer group seemed to be growing but is it for the right reason?N ppl join a church jz bcoz their friends is over there?Jessy told me she joined spcc bcoz she like the ppl over here.Hmm..Y isn't it bcoz of God?Isn't He supposed to be the main purpose we hv fellowship in the 1st place?I'm not trying to say tat fellowshipping is wrong,in fact,fellowship among believers is actually encouraged by God to strengthen each other in christ,but ppl jz do it for a different reason..
I find tis place strange n unfamiliar even after 4 months of trying to adapt to it.I may liked all my friends n all but my spiritual life is really er..in the sad state of rotting.I need to spend a one-to-one time wit God,jz me n Him,but i find it really hard to do it here,n spendin time wit Him in the midst of some believers has proved to be quite unfruitful too..
Since i came to Aimst,there's been so many times where i've been so discouraged n frustrated wit myself..n i dun noe y..I've reach the lowest point of my spiritual life n i started get angry at God so easily n so often,which i dun normally do,i've been very contented n satisfied wit my life all the while,giving thanks to God durin my ups n even downs.But i dun noe y is it so different here.Is it bcoz i wasn't close to home?to my christian friends tat i'm familiar wit bak in Klang? Or is it bcoz i hv grown distant to Him due to my inconsistency in spending time wit Him?
I hate to admit it,but i really spend so much lesser time wit Him since i came here,i'm surrounded by friends/roommates all the time n when i'm not socializing wit them,i'll be studying,goin for sports,on the net n etc.
I wanna read my bible more,communicate wit Him more,but somehow most of the time i'd spend tat reserved-for-God 30mins to talk to my friends(or in bed -sleeping),it's just very difficult to resist tis coz they're ALWAYS around..All the time..There's no escape.
I've tried to go through a silent day(in which i wun talk unless really neccessary)so tat i could quieten myself for Him n Him alone,but somehow my friends will take it tat i'm being emo n tried to talk as much as possible to me,by evening,i would already start talking like i've er... recovered frm my emo-ness..
I do make it a point to go to prayer meeting n cf as frequently as i can,but most of the time,i feel like i talked to my christian friends more than i talked to God,i fellowship wit ppl around more than i fellowship wit God.It's like goin there to socialize or something n prayer n worship was oni part of the agenda.I dun like tis.God is supposed to be the center of it all,all the time,but i feel tat He is oni in the center at the moment of praise n worship or prayer.After prayer,ppl would put God at the back of their head n go into socializing mood,talkin,laughing n asking bout the most ridiculous stuff.Not to say tat tis happen all the time or blaming anyone for tis to be happening,but seriously,wat is our focus here?There r ppl who oni goes when there's friends goin,friends who told me tat if i go,then they'll go.Yes,the cf n prayer group seemed to be growing but is it for the right reason?N ppl join a church jz bcoz their friends is over there?Jessy told me she joined spcc bcoz she like the ppl over here.Hmm..Y isn't it bcoz of God?Isn't He supposed to be the main purpose we hv fellowship in the 1st place?I'm not trying to say tat fellowshipping is wrong,in fact,fellowship among believers is actually encouraged by God to strengthen each other in christ,but ppl jz do it for a different reason..
I find tis place strange n unfamiliar even after 4 months of trying to adapt to it.I may liked all my friends n all but my spiritual life is really er..in the sad state of rotting.I need to spend a one-to-one time wit God,jz me n Him,but i find it really hard to do it here,n spendin time wit Him in the midst of some believers has proved to be quite unfruitful too..
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Catapulting my mind to the recent past..
OK..i had always needed prayers,i'll admit tat,but i can never ask somebody to pray for me.It's jz tat all through the years i'm growing up,i've build a wall surrounding me-me inside,world outside.There's always a barrier between me n others,i make a concious effort not to be too close,not to reveal too much,not to appear to be so vulnerable.Oni once did somone actually manage to break through and come in,n tat's oni once,i promise myself i would never let tat happen again,but on the other hand i promise her i would not rebuild tat broken wall n will tear down the remainder of it.I feel guilty,very guilty.But,i dun like to share the emotions tat i'm goin through,i may post it up in the blog,but i dun wanna link my blog to all my friends so fewer ppl could c it,sometimes i even considered not letting anybody in tis world noe bout its existence,i tink the oni time i put a link is oni on msn,n i noe tat many doesn't bother to come n see,so it's kinda safe..Anyway,it doesn't matter to me if ppl dun noe how i feel,i jz dun wanna let them noe.I've learn not to cry coz i always thought tat it's a sign of being defeated,although i did promise tat someone tat i would let myself cry when i absolutely needed it,but somehow it's hard.I like to bottle things up n it has been so natural tat i could jz smile when it's the last thing i wanna do in tis world,n jz a simple joking question of 'Yer..Why so fake one?' can make me cry so so badly, somebody actually noticed.Tat question has caught me off guard,it destroy the foundation of the wall n makes the whole thing tumbles..I felt so helpless..Anyway,tat was the past,no use in reflecting bak on it,or maybe God put all tis in my head suddenly bcoz He wans me to change,it's not gonna be easy.Not at all.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Doubts
I've been having doubts..I noe i'm not good wit the piano(chords) despite wat others say.They're most prob trying to encourage me or comfort me.I've been told like a thousand times tat i should serve in the music ministy tat sometimes i really believed it.Yesterday church nite was a complete disaster durin the jamming time,at least it is to me.I dun tink i wanna touch the keyboard ever again.I could serve in some other area.I should.
Disappointed n down
Wat are You doing wit my life?I noe U hv it in ur hands but wat r U doin wit it!?R U trying to cut part of my life away?Cut my ties wit the Breathren assembly?U wan me to focus more on the Kedah church or sth?Rather than always goin bak to join in the COPA IBA,IBA UNPLUGGED,or even a little footstool play.I've been very disappointed at wat U allowed happen,i dun understand U at all no matter how hard i tried,but i guess nbdy can..Hmph!!God Teruk!!
Tis is all too personal,i shouldn't post further..
Can't let emotions take control of me. Not yet.
Tis is all too personal,i shouldn't post further..
Can't let emotions take control of me. Not yet.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
My Awesomenism baking experience!!
Things i thought was needed
THINGS I FORGOT I NEEDED..
Add egg into the batter!
Pour half,the other half mix wit cocoa =)
Cake decoration!
God loves me!!
My family would hv doubt the cake
if they saw tis pic!haha..
My bro said it looked terrible..
Aww...I agree.. =S
Cake decoration!
God loves me!! Yay!
-The end-
-The end-
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I've been meaning to blog tis the moment i finish my term 1,but i er...was preoccupied wit so many things,i forgot.
Ok..Lets see..
I felt very thankful tat God has blessed me abundantly during my term 1 here in Aimst.
I had fantastic hsemmates n roommates (seriously,how many roommates fight to cook 'maggi' for you,or make ur bed once in a while,hehe)
I had found n settled in a church tat i felt comfy in (most important of all is tat it's UR will for me to b where U wan me to be)^^I've been blessed wit good friends,friends tat builds me up. Friends tat helped me so so much, friends tat r so close they r like siblings to me, friends tat gave me so much encouragement n advice,especially the seniors, friends tat make me feel so welcome although i'm new, friends tat does crazy stuff to make ppl around them sane..
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I find tis amusing,yet true in some ways!haha..
The Best Poem Of 2006-Written by an African Kid
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me coloured???
Holiday Time!!
Although oni 2 weeks,but it's better than nothin la,better than waitin 4 the 2 off days of weekend which takes eternity to come n passes by like an extreme case of corona discharge(lightning),haha.
I'm content,although my plans to go IBA Unplugged is er..not goin on as i planned,but i still get to spend some quality time wit my family,especially wit my hermit old bro.My mom keeps nagging me on da same thing for YEARS!
"Why do u give out ur room to ur bro?Look!He's hiding in there all day 'laying eggs' ah?He oni leave the room for food!bla,bla,bla..."
Well i never regretted it,haha,i get to spend more time bonding wit my younger bro sharin a room wit him.N comin bak frm Kedah,i'm the oni one allowed to enter my old bro lair without getting 'shoo' away(Wohoo!).I can kacau his stuff (sry kor),ask him to play movie on his desktop n watch it together(although he already watch it),n he even bring me out for yu yu ice!Which is a surprise since he is sometimes quite kedekut one..(I added the word 'sometimes' jz in case my kor is readin tis,hehe!)
But anyway,i'm goin bukit cahaya tis fri wit my youth!Yay!We're gonna cycle around tat bukit or sth.(i tink my kor coming too,he's takin a leave frm his part-time work) My kor say there's a 4 season hse there (sth like tat) n nw should be spring or somethin.haha,can't wait to go!Too bad Weevien goin KK,she's going to a gunung n we hv to be content wit a bukit..(Weevien!You better get somethin bak 4 me or...er...dun come bak!haha..)
Oh oh,n da youth movie nite noon-(coz in d afternoon)last sun in Joanna n Brenda hse er.. makes me feel tired d rest of d day(I tink it made everyone tired too)..I was already sleepin on my way bak home in Belinda's car..We shouldn't watch 'bedtime story' durin d noon..Ok,lesson learned.
I'm estatic.Content.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Talking to Anna yesterday remind me of d rbs days..Some memorable moments.. =)
all girls
Makan time!!
-Me,Lyon,Joshua,Davina,Chui Yeng n Colin-
dorm 1 darlings!!
ivy,char,me n shu en(can't tell who's on top,sry)
-dorm bonding-
-dorm bonding-
NGC(Nilai Gospel Chapel)
friendship made(5 days trip to nilai)
end of nilai trip(ktm station)
Shirtlift-Go lite yr world =)
games time!!Shirtlift rules!! 
another gone case
me n chui yeng(preparin 4 worship session)
rbs 'sexy' guys.. =.=
ss guys-KC,Andrea,Nicholas,Jon n Mark-
Ahh..Felt so much better 2day..
Thank God!!
I HATE wat i feel,another complete waste of emotion..
Exams..I feel very down whenever i tink bout it,i felt i hv flunk all d papers even b4 i started.I can't sleep,i'll wake up every 3-4 hours feeling guilty of sleeping.
And d worst part is,tis morn i woke up feeling sick,besides guilty.Why now?I'm hv-ing my exams in 2 days!!You're so mean God!I can't believe U let tat happen!Soo frustrating...
D amazing irony of being sick is,i jz came bak frm a healing crusade yesterday..haha,really funny Lord,i didn't noe U had such a sense of humour..
Oh..I'm sry,i am angry..Lord,I dun want 2 feel wat i'm feeling, i HATE it!I wouldn't mind die-ing rite here rite nw!!Struck me,i would be really thankful.. It's draining me mentally n emotionally..i feel like cryin..no,i can't,i'm nt in rbs anymore..
Didn't plan to post anythin tis week,but really need 2 vent out my frustration, anger n disappointment...It's eating me up bit by bit frm d inside n d hole in my heart jz keeps growin bigger...
If U can't bring me bak 2 U,at least pull me out of tis bottomless pit n heal my hollow-ing heart.
Can i trust U?
Exams..I feel very down whenever i tink bout it,i felt i hv flunk all d papers even b4 i started.I can't sleep,i'll wake up every 3-4 hours feeling guilty of sleeping.
And d worst part is,tis morn i woke up feeling sick,besides guilty.Why now?I'm hv-ing my exams in 2 days!!You're so mean God!I can't believe U let tat happen!Soo frustrating...
Oh..I'm sry,i am angry..Lord,I dun want 2 feel wat i'm feeling, i HATE it!I wouldn't mind die-ing rite here rite nw!!Struck me,i would be really thankful.. It's draining me mentally n emotionally..i feel like cryin..no,i can't,i'm nt in rbs anymore..
Didn't plan to post anythin tis week,but really need 2 vent out my frustration, anger n disappointment...It's eating me up bit by bit frm d inside n d hole in my heart jz keeps growin bigger...
If U can't bring me bak 2 U,at least pull me out of tis bottomless pit n heal my hollow-ing heart.
Can i trust U?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The road less taken..
Hmm...I'm confused(again).Wat should i do in the future?Medic?Dentistry?It somehow reminds me of a poem i once studied in sec school...
Wat SHOULD i do!?Wat COULD i do!?I really dun noe..I 1st came to AIMST wanting 100% to do dentistry.My parents wans me 2 do it,n in all i do,i try 2 obey n honour them,so here i am.But somehow,i'm not sure if it's somethin i wanna do.Since i came to AIMST,i've been swayed back n forth countless time,coz i tink i'm starting to gain an interest in studying medic.I 1st got my inspiration from a senior medic student,Thomson.He studied medic mainly 4 God,bcoz he felt it's his calling.I tink it's God tat keeps him going on in studying medic,coz without real passion,takin tis route would be super super hard.Ppl always says i should choose somethin tat i like so tat i would not regret it in d future.The reason i gain an interest in medic is bcoz i wanna help ppl,i wanna go to poor countries of d world to aid all who needs help,not oni spiritually but also in terms of health.n choosing 2 be a dentist,d things i would be able 2 do 2 help is pretty limited.Hmm..In spite of everything,i noe i should do wat God wans me to do(it might not be any of d 2 options tat i mention)coz no matter wat,i trust He will giv me d strength when i'm tired,comfort n refuge when i'm discourage,n d will to continue when i'm in d verge of breakdown.
(Current state of mind:40% medic,59%dentistry,1%others)
LORD,
I pray tat U'll help me be still so tat i can hear yr almost-silent,small voice speaking to me.Help me 2 tune in into Yr channel,to always listen 2 U n seek U 1st in all i do.I dun wanna listen to my ugly,constantly screaming voice,or others or d devils'.I wanna hear U,Lord.Tell me wat 2 do,giv me d wisdom 2 decide wisely according 2 Yr will,not mine.Close all doors tat doesn't lead 2 Yr purpose 4 me in life,Father,pls..Lord i trust U wit all my heart,i do not wan2 lean on my own understanding;in all my ways i acknowledge U,n i noe U will make my path straight.I do not wan2 be wise in my own eyes;i chose to fear U n shun evil.Lead me Lord i pray.Everyday i hold on unto yr promise Lord.
"I will instruct u n teach u in d way u should go;I will cousel u n watch over u." -Psalm32:8-
Thank you Father,4 everything n 4 watching over me as i step into a whole new phase of life over here in AIMST.I love U,daddy.Amen.
------------------------------------------------------------------
*Ok,no more blogging 4 d rest of d week(lead me not into temptation,Lord),n back 2 my boring life of studies.Exam is just around d corner(starting nxt mon,actually).I'm super nervous,feeling guilty 4 writing tis post,should hv use d time 4 my studies,oh well...too late..haha..
Monday, August 10, 2009
Bla bla black sheep,have u any wool?Yes sir,yes sir 3 bags full.
(dun noe y tis song is stuck in my head all day,jz can't drown it off wit other songs..i tried..)
I'm becoming stupid.My mind is so saturated,it would burst!Too much info,i can't contain it..
Yup.Let it burst,then bye bye exams..!!Wohoo!!
Bye bye all d annoying stuff tat i considered er..annoying.
Bye bye maths,physics,chemistry n bio.
Bye bye to all the things tat i dislike.
Bye bye to all d confusion in my life.(dun noe y,but i'm always confuse)
Bye bye to all the worldly thingy tat is unpleasant in God's eyes.
Bye bye to er...I can't think of anything else..
I'm gonna stop here la,bye bye.
(dun noe y tis song is stuck in my head all day,jz can't drown it off wit other songs..i tried..)
I'm becoming stupid.My mind is so saturated,it would burst!Too much info,i can't contain it..
Yup.Let it burst,then bye bye exams..!!Wohoo!!
Bye bye all d annoying stuff tat i considered er..annoying.
Bye bye maths,physics,chemistry n bio.
Bye bye to all the things tat i dislike.
Bye bye to all d confusion in my life.(dun noe y,but i'm always confuse)
Bye bye to all the worldly thingy tat is unpleasant in God's eyes.
Bye bye to er...I can't think of anything else..
I'm gonna stop here la,bye bye.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
-A post from a nocturnal animal-
I can't help being so semangat at nite,it's normal..
Argh....Eng oral test 2mrw.I mean 2day(less than 6 hours more)..I'm sooo nervous..
Well,at least there's no lesson 4 d whole day of 2mrw(i mean 2day),Woo..!!I see a silver lining,haha...Thank God!!
I tink i'm sick(yea rite,in d head),i need to sleep,to rest in peace(not die laa)n i need to be still.Zzzz... Nightey..
Snort.
I can't help being so semangat at nite,it's normal..
Argh....Eng oral test 2mrw.I mean 2day(less than 6 hours more)..I'm sooo nervous..
Well,at least there's no lesson 4 d whole day of 2mrw(i mean 2day),Woo..!!I see a silver lining,haha...Thank God!!
I tink i'm sick(yea rite,in d head),i need to sleep,to rest in peace(not die laa)n i need to be still.Zzzz... Nightey..
Snort.
Dearest daddy in heaven,
Thank you for catching me in your grace everytime i stumble like a baby.Thank you for your promise to never leave n forsake me.Thank you 4 being there to see n help me through thick n thin.Thank you 4 making me see the difference btwn love n infatuation,coz now i noe i love u.Thank you 4 loving me as who i am.I love you too,daddy.
With lots of love,
-your lil' girl-
Monday, August 3, 2009
Too Tired To Go On..
If only i could bottle up my feelings n emotion in a jar or something...I would throw it really really far away into the sea or bury it so deep in d ground tat nbdy could ever find it.I'm unhappy for no reason,or maybe it's bcoz of the long hour lecture tis morn(8am-12.30pm!!).Can't stand sitting in a room all day,i wanna SCREAM!!After tis there's 3 more hour of lecture,it's like a mental marathon..Never ending...In fact,it has been like tat for 4/5 days last week,4 hours in d morn n 3 hour s in d noon.Y is there so many replacement class in d 1st place?I'm exhausted..I nid 2 rest,i nid prayers or rather i nid 2 spent less time on tis blog.Ok,i'll hv a rest,15 more mins till prayer meeting..
Done ranting.Fuh.
If only i could bottle up my feelings n emotion in a jar or something...I would throw it really really far away into the sea or bury it so deep in d ground tat nbdy could ever find it.I'm unhappy for no reason,or maybe it's bcoz of the long hour lecture tis morn(8am-12.30pm!!).Can't stand sitting in a room all day,i wanna SCREAM!!After tis there's 3 more hour of lecture,it's like a mental marathon..Never ending...In fact,it has been like tat for 4/5 days last week,4 hours in d morn n 3 hour s in d noon.Y is there so many replacement class in d 1st place?I'm exhausted..I nid 2 rest,i nid prayers or rather i nid 2 spent less time on tis blog.Ok,i'll hv a rest,15 more mins till prayer meeting..
Done ranting.Fuh.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Thank You Father..
1st term of uni life is about 2 end,i wouldn't say it's a 3 months well spent,looking at all d way i utilize my time here.However,uni life has really been a bittersweet experience n there's sooo much 2 thank God 4.I've picked out 20 frm a whole bunch,including bad things 2 remind myself tat d trouble i face is not bcoz Gods wills it,but bcoz He wans 2 mould me into d person He wans me 2 b.Thank you Lord..Thank you father for:
1)my parents who send me here n provided so much 4 me.(Love ya,mom n daddy)
2)my roommates who had miraculously,endlessly tolerating all my nonsensical behaviours.
3)My friend,Alex,who had been checking up on me every so often,giving me so much encouragement n making sure tat i does not slack in faith.
4)giving me d courage to step out of d boundaries of my comfort zone in klang n come 2 kedah although i was really reluctant at 1st.
5)being there 4 me + leading n guiding me in all tat i do,every step of d way.
6)hving a CF in AIMST tat i will be able to stay strong 2gether wit my bro n sis in christ through fellowshipping wit U n them.
7)the church(SPCC)tat i'm attending,where i can come n give u praise n worship n to draw myself nearer to u every week.
8)the opportunity to serve U n being available 4 U as U has always been 4 me.
9)the air tat i breathe.
10)every brand new morning i'm alive.
11)all d wonderful ppl whom i call friends.
12)all d ppl in AIMST tat hv given me help when i needed it most.
13)er..the sanitation engineer(cleaner) tat cleans d living room n toilet every week(thank god,really)
14)the functioning ceiling fan in my room,especially during noon where i always can't help but take a nap.
15)all d workload,homework,assignment,quiz.
16)unreasonable lecturers.
17)flies in d cafe.
18)weekly dierrhea tat i got frm d cafe food.
19)term 1 test which is oni 2 weeks away.
20)the 2 weeks holiday after d test.
A Really Narrow Road..
I've always known tat we're pilgrims on a journey of d narrow road,n d walk wit God is pretty rocky.But a wise friend told me(bout a month ago)tat.. (wait..checking my inbox)
"Dun be deceived by tat impression(tat your life would be smooth sailing just because you trust God).We all struggle n tat should b d way.There's no way we can lead a victorious life because 'we r at d peak dy',we need to live in constant reliance in Him...."-Alex-
I had come to AIMST wit a burning desire to seek n 2 serve God here(although i wasn't sure in wat area then),n also a determination 2 prove to every1 in my church tat college/uni life will not pull me away frm God like how it had happened to so many others who had gone before me.Sad 2 say tat there WAS a period of time where God just felt so far away..so unreachable..it's so demoralizing..I was lost,undecided on which church 2 settle on although i kinda noe which church God is urging me 2 go,i prayed bout it a lot,but...I had preference too..Previously being a teakwondo state fighter,i was really attached 2 my teakwondo class(which clashes wit my church YF,training 6 days a week ma) tat 4 d whole of my secondary school life i never attended YF.Naturally,I was estatic noe-ing there's a teakwondo club in campus n i bcame really fond of my taekwondo lessons here in AIMST (plus d fact tat d seniors was like 'Wah!!Y u so fast 1?' n the coaches keeps pushing me 2 be better,it reminds me of d good old days).Unfortunately,d lessons clashes wit CF n church(yup,it's on wed n fri),but i've found an alternative option,i've decided to go church on saturday instead(FGA),and as 4 CF,2 bad la...I though problem solved,i can go for my teakwondo lesson without missing out on church at the same time.But,i felt guilty everytime i attended church,i tried to rationa-lies tat at least i'm making an effort not 2 miss church,i'm still faithful,aren't i?Man,was i wrong!!One morn as i was doing my devotion,i came across 1 Samuel:22.It hit me like a brick on d face.Again n again as a read it several times.
22"Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?To obey is better than sacrifice,and to heed is better than the fat of rams."
I'm sorry Father...I really am..(n i did eventually stop my lesson however painful it might be,praise God!!)
In d area of serving,it's still ambigous on which area i'm gonna serve.Through rbs,i've finally manage 2 conquer my fear which had regretfully prevented me frm serving God 4 d past 5 years.I was hoping to serve in my church 4 a longer period 2 gain confidence in serving Him but instead He has other plans 4 me.His plans eventually landed me in Kedah,wit a whole new environment,new circle of friends,new church n etc.I've notice tat my fear is slowly trickling bak bit by bit when i move to a whole new unfamiliar environment,i've lost all d Gods' confidence i gain n learned frm rbs.Whenever ppl ask if i'm willing to serve,d 1st responds my not-so-smart brain gave is a loud scream of 'NOoooo...!! I can't! I'm jz not good enough,look at d person nxt 2 me!! He/She is so much better in doing it!! '.It takes all d strength i hv in me 2 stop my mouth frm saying it out loud coz d truth is,i really wan2 serve God,i hv 2 make myself say 'yes',to go against wat i fear,which often drains me,i'm tired...The fact tat there's no 1 close enough 4 me 2 share wat i felt makes things a lot more harder than wat they should be..Help me,Father.
August fool!! Me?
Ho,
My 1st blog,so much 2 write,so little time...
It's d 1st of August,thought of playing a prank on somebody(as in August fool)but dun wan la,it's not exactly glorifying God's name,haha..
Anyway,today i got the opportunity to give tuition 2 kids in church!!Wohoo!!(wat i felt b4 i go)The kids in my lil' groups were so adorable(when i arrive),there's even a twins,which i still couldn't differentiate who's who(sesat ma..).There were bout 4 kids in my group n it was relatively small compare 2 d other group,but it was a handful.Those adorable kids turn out 2 b monsters!!A super hyper one.No!It's many super hyper one..So frustrating..Couldn't sit still 4 even 1 min,emptying my pencil case every 2 mins...Argh...(pulling my hair).But they were so cute i couldn't get mad at them,not 4 long.Dun noe whether i'm not good in keeping kids under control or d kids memang very hard 2 control.But i think i did a NOT BAD job lo(4 a 1st timer la)although i do need all d help i could get..
At d end,Victor taught them a Sunday School song-Jesus love all d little children(dun noe if it's d tittle,but it starts like tis).The twins came beside me,each on 1 side n holded my hands while they sang,a moment 2 b remembered 4ever...No Regrets...Even if i'll pull out all my hair n b bald,i'll still b willing 2 teach them.Aww..Kids..my weakness..
After tat tiring class...(Tis portion is dedicated 2 Mel n Row)
As i was walking 2 Victors' car,i got a cal from a strange girl insisting me 2 tell her d reason i called her earlier which i noe i didn't(i couldn't hv cal her coz her no. wasn't in my list of contacts), but after wat seemed like d thousandth time i apologized(i dun even noe y i did it,sesat again),it was strange tat she keeps askin me bout d reason i called her even after i suggested tat she may be calling d wrong person n d voice is kinda familiar too...
So,with my *ahem* super smart brain,i piece up some info n solve d mystery.I recalled Rowena asking for my phone no. d previous day in church then excitedly tells Melvina bout it,both of them had tis mischievious grin...Tat's it genius!!It must hv been them.Caught them red-handed,haha.It WAS them n it was a..
good thing tat:i figured it out soon enough 2 avoid being labelled as stupid/slow
bad thing tat:Melvina actually recoreded d whole conversation!!NOooo!!
good thing tat:She promised 2 not let any1 else hear it.Hopefully...
bad thing tat:Sombody actually played a prank on me..August fool...
I was still in a relatively good mood despite all tat happened...till i went bak...
Noon...
As I was practising my keyboard in my room there was a knock on d door(so somebdy else is in d hse too).Shoba,my hsemate,came in n asked me to teach her d violin since there were only d 2 of us in d whole hse (i try 2 avoid disturbing others with noise pollution).'Why not?'I thought.So,i pulled out my violin box from under my bed n opened it....
There it was,shiny as ever,with its' 3 strings n all.Wait..Did i say 3 strings?Oh no...
D G-string is broken!!BROKEN!!NOoooo!!D G-string is d thickest string on my violin,how could it be broken?!The horror of looking at d string is really shocking...
Ok ok,i was exaggerating a bit,i knew tis would happen sooner or later,d G-string was already a bit rusty when i brought it here(here as in AIMST),but i didn't expect it 2 break now,of all time...I dun really practise much of d violin while i was still learning,but when i go 4 classes,my teacher always make me practise 4 hours n hours n hours,till my fingers actually perspire when i was practising IN FRONT of a fully fuctioning air-cond,blowing full blast directly at me.Tat's how hard my training was.(oh,but i still love u teacher,in case u're reading tis,haha).I guess bcoz of tat n d lack of time to maintain my violin strings(violin needs more maintainence than u could ever imagine,i couldn't..b4 i started learning),it got rusty...
So i performed some songs 4 Shoba wit only 3 strings very cacatly(sry Shoba,u hv 2 bear d noise pollution)...It's ok,God's power is made perfect in my weakness.When He breaks u down(in my case,it's my violin's G-string),it's bcoz He wans 2 build up something better.I thank God tat it happens.Lesson learned.
Oh,last but not least,tis is d 2nd time i'm writing tis,when i was about 2 post after i finished it the 1st time,i accidentally deleted EVERYTHING!!Argh....!!Something worst always happen when i thought d day couldn't get any worst..So,it took me 1 hr plus to recal n rewrite everything..Wat a bad day,nevertheless,praise God..
My 1st blog,so much 2 write,so little time...
It's d 1st of August,thought of playing a prank on somebody(as in August fool)but dun wan la,it's not exactly glorifying God's name,haha..
Anyway,today i got the opportunity to give tuition 2 kids in church!!Wohoo!!(wat i felt b4 i go)The kids in my lil' groups were so adorable(when i arrive),there's even a twins,which i still couldn't differentiate who's who(sesat ma..).There were bout 4 kids in my group n it was relatively small compare 2 d other group,but it was a handful.Those adorable kids turn out 2 b monsters!!A super hyper one.No!It's many super hyper one..So frustrating..Couldn't sit still 4 even 1 min,emptying my pencil case every 2 mins...Argh...(pulling my hair).But they were so cute i couldn't get mad at them,not 4 long.Dun noe whether i'm not good in keeping kids under control or d kids memang very hard 2 control.But i think i did a NOT BAD job lo(4 a 1st timer la)although i do need all d help i could get..
At d end,Victor taught them a Sunday School song-Jesus love all d little children(dun noe if it's d tittle,but it starts like tis).The twins came beside me,each on 1 side n holded my hands while they sang,a moment 2 b remembered 4ever...No Regrets...Even if i'll pull out all my hair n b bald,i'll still b willing 2 teach them.Aww..Kids..my weakness..
After tat tiring class...(Tis portion is dedicated 2 Mel n Row)
As i was walking 2 Victors' car,i got a cal from a strange girl insisting me 2 tell her d reason i called her earlier which i noe i didn't(i couldn't hv cal her coz her no. wasn't in my list of contacts), but after wat seemed like d thousandth time i apologized(i dun even noe y i did it,sesat again),it was strange tat she keeps askin me bout d reason i called her even after i suggested tat she may be calling d wrong person n d voice is kinda familiar too...
So,with my *ahem* super smart brain,i piece up some info n solve d mystery.I recalled Rowena asking for my phone no. d previous day in church then excitedly tells Melvina bout it,both of them had tis mischievious grin...Tat's it genius!!It must hv been them.Caught them red-handed,haha.It WAS them n it was a..
good thing tat:i figured it out soon enough 2 avoid being labelled as stupid/slow
bad thing tat:Melvina actually recoreded d whole conversation!!NOooo!!
good thing tat:She promised 2 not let any1 else hear it.Hopefully...
bad thing tat:Sombody actually played a prank on me..August fool...
I was still in a relatively good mood despite all tat happened...till i went bak...
Noon...
As I was practising my keyboard in my room there was a knock on d door(so somebdy else is in d hse too).Shoba,my hsemate,came in n asked me to teach her d violin since there were only d 2 of us in d whole hse (i try 2 avoid disturbing others with noise pollution).'Why not?'I thought.So,i pulled out my violin box from under my bed n opened it....
There it was,shiny as ever,with its' 3 strings n all.Wait..Did i say 3 strings?Oh no...
D G-string is broken!!BROKEN!!NOoooo!!D G-string is d thickest string on my violin,how could it be broken?!The horror of looking at d string is really shocking...
Ok ok,i was exaggerating a bit,i knew tis would happen sooner or later,d G-string was already a bit rusty when i brought it here(here as in AIMST),but i didn't expect it 2 break now,of all time...I dun really practise much of d violin while i was still learning,but when i go 4 classes,my teacher always make me practise 4 hours n hours n hours,till my fingers actually perspire when i was practising IN FRONT of a fully fuctioning air-cond,blowing full blast directly at me.Tat's how hard my training was.(oh,but i still love u teacher,in case u're reading tis,haha).I guess bcoz of tat n d lack of time to maintain my violin strings(violin needs more maintainence than u could ever imagine,i couldn't..b4 i started learning),it got rusty...
So i performed some songs 4 Shoba wit only 3 strings very cacatly(sry Shoba,u hv 2 bear d noise pollution)...It's ok,God's power is made perfect in my weakness.When He breaks u down(in my case,it's my violin's G-string),it's bcoz He wans 2 build up something better.I thank God tat it happens.Lesson learned.
Oh,last but not least,tis is d 2nd time i'm writing tis,when i was about 2 post after i finished it the 1st time,i accidentally deleted EVERYTHING!!Argh....!!Something worst always happen when i thought d day couldn't get any worst..So,it took me 1 hr plus to recal n rewrite everything..Wat a bad day,nevertheless,praise God..
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